""Tara" was my first girlfriend from eighth grade until we graduated. Her home life was really, really horrible. So she ended up moving in full-time with my family when we were 15. I had already fallen out of love with her, but felt guilty, so we went through the motions until graduation. I went to college; Tara stayed living at home. Long story short: My parents officially adopted Tara while I was in college, with my blessings."
"She was already calling them mom and dad, and my parents always wanted another kid. Tara and I messed around but never had sex. I consider her like a cousin at this point and would call her my foster sister when asked about my family. My dilemma is that I am ready for a long-term relationship, and I don't want to lie, but telling someone my first girlfriend was my adoptive sister, who still lives with our parents, isn't the best icebreaker."
"I also had bad experiences of falling for girls who seemed cool with me being friends with my exes (I never really had a bad breakup), and it turned into a big deal. I'd be in a month-long relationship where I would accept going out for drinks with old friends, my ex would be there, and then I'd get grilled when I got home. So, what do I do about the Tara situation here?"
At 15, Tara moved in with a family after a troubled home life and was later officially adopted by the parents while the other child was in college. Tara is considered akin to a cousin and sometimes called a foster sister; they had limited sexual contact. There is concern that disclosing Tara as an adoptive sister who still lives with the parents will appear awkward to potential partners. Past relationships experienced jealousy when exes attended the same social events. Honest, matter-of-fact disclosure and clear boundaries about contact with exes reduce potential relationship friction.
Read at Slate Magazine
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