"DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have taken our grown children, their children and friends on several nice vacations. We planned another trip to surprise them at Christmas. Now we have learned from our daughter that her husband does not want to go. He didn't offer an explanation, and now our daughter isn't going. We are out big bucks for nonrefundable tickets, and they haven't offered to reimburse us."
"Why would someone refuse a free vacation? GENTLE READER: Even if Miss Manners' clairvoyance were functioning, it is her experience that the answers to such questions are seldom welcome. Nor, generally, are surprises that commandeer adults' schedules. DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at the head of a line to vote; the precinct wasn't crowded, and no one's wait was long. The precinct volunteer encountered a problem that prompted her to seek help,"
Parents purchased nonrefundable tickets for a surprise family vacation; one adult child declined because her spouse refused to go, leaving the parents with financial loss and no offer of reimbursement. A voter described being repeatedly jabbed on the shoulder by a stranger in line to gain attention and felt vulnerable due to small size and frailty, later regretting a meek apology. Surprises that commandeer other adults' schedules commonly provoke problems. When replaying past mistreatment, imagining better responses is natural, but any new response should be clearly superior and avoid public lecturing or escalation.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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