"I have spent the last year in phone calls with him listening as he has slowly forgotten where I live (I moved here 30 years ago), what I do for a living (the same job for 27 years), and, sometimes, what we talked about five minutes earlier. I am going to see him because it may well be the last time I do so while he still remembers me."
"It seems right to clarify the situation: It will explain why you do not appear to be enthusiastic now, and it will allow her to strike the right tone if she inquires about the visit after the holidays. Miss Manners would have you say something simple like, Actually, he is not in good health, so it will likely be a bit difficult."
A mantel display of rustic Santa figurines with twinkling lights prompted a sister to quip that it "looks like Santa threw up," and a biting comeback would harm sibling relations. A correspondent plans to visit her father in a dementia ward after a year of phone calls during which he has increasingly forgotten basic facts and recent conversations; the visit may be the last while he still recognizes her. The recommended response is a calm clarification such as, "Actually, he is not in good health, so it will likely be a bit difficult," delivered seriously but not mournfully. A third letter begins about resuming dinner parties.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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