"By saying that he regrets that he is unable to accept their kind invitation. Yes, Miss Manners knows that you do not consider it kind. The omission was wrong whether or not it was related to those altercations as was the employee's failure to understand that this is not a business occasion. But Miss Manners is trying to keep you from making the working relationship even worse."
"The way to kill a tasteless joke is to take it seriously. So the answer to the dumb-dish remark is, I'm so sorry it offends you; let me take it from you. And to the doing-things-this-way remark, the response is, Are you uncomfortable being here? Is something the matter? The response will be, I was only joking. To which you reply, Oh. What's the joke? Miss Manners promises that you will not have to do this long before you get an exasperated Oh, never mind."
When a personal invitation names only one spouse, the invited spouse should decline rather than accept an obvious exclusion. Omitting a partner from a social celebration is improper regardless of workplace disputes and can worsen strained relations. For a guest who habitually makes hurtful, offhand jokes about a home or hosting, respond by taking the remark seriously and addressing it as if it were a genuine complaint. Offering to remove or replace the item or asking if the guest is uncomfortable typically exposes the comment as a joke and discourages further rudeness.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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