Miss Manners: I'm uncomfortable about the strange men on the street

"I am not comfortable interacting with strange men on the street who ask passersby for change or attention. It seems that most of my peers respond to such requests by ignoring them, but I dislike the contempt expressed in ignoring anyone. I prefer to give a polite No, thank you, I'm sorry, no or Excuse me, please, and then move on."

"GENTLE READER: You are not supposed to be comfortable interacting with strange gentlemen on the street. Evidence that people are destitute and desperate should make you uncomfortable. And so should solvent strangers who have personal designs on you. However, Miss Manners is reluctant to discourage you from responding initially with those polite phrases when they might serve to acknowledge the humanity of the unfortunate. That does not oblige you to continue with an exchange."

A young woman new to a larger city feels uncomfortable when strange men stop passersby to ask for change or attention. She dislikes ignoring people and prefers brief polite refusals such as “No, thank you” or “Excuse me, please,” but those reactions sometimes encourage persistent strangers. Brief polite responses can acknowledge another's humanity without obligating continued conversation. Persistent or aggressive approaches should be met by disengaging and moving away to protect personal safety. A rebuilt holiday-card address list revealed a mother-in-law who addresses married couples as “Mr. and Mrs. Husband's Name,” which surprised a long-married daughter-in-law.

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