"I am mortified at the prospect of being the guest of honor at an event at which guests must pay for themselves and are also expected to bring a gift. I realize that lunch for 15 at a restaurant is expensive, but I would much rather have a casual gathering at a park with cake and bagels than this. Should I ask them to cancel? Offer to pay the restaurant bill myself? Grin and bear it?"
"You had the right idea when you refused the offers in the first place. Miss Manners was wondering why you did so, but you know your friends better than she does. If you can manage to pay for everyone, that would be the most gracious if expensive option. Perhaps just making the offer will shame your hosts into realizing what they have done. Perhaps not. In general, guests of honor should try to suss out the scope of it all before agreeing to anything."
Multiple friends offered to host a baby shower; the honoree initially declined most offers but accepted two friends' insistence and supplied guest names and registry information without guiding event details. The chosen hosts planned a restaurant event that required each guest to pay for their own meal, which embarrassed the honoree who expected gifts from guests. Options include asking hosts to cancel, offering to pay the restaurant bill, or accepting the situation. The most generous solution is to cover guests' costs if feasible. Guests of honor should confirm venue, cost, and host plans beforehand and suggest more modest alternatives to avoid burdening attendees.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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