"I got married recently. It is a second marriage for both of us, but our first weddings were two decades ago, and we wanted to have a special event that really felt like a wedding. We paid for the whole thing ourselves. It was simple and relatively small, but it was definitely and unambiguously a wedding: We sent paper invitations, had a catered meal and an open bar, and I wore a big white wedding gown."
"On our wedding website, and when asked in person, we said, No gifts, please (we have plenty of stuff!), but we also provided a list of our favorite nonprofits if anyone wanted to make a donation. We also planned to make donations in honor of our guests, in lieu of favors, and will share that with folks in our thank-you cards. As expected, some people gave gifts anyway, some made donations and some wrote lovely cards. All good, right? Not quite."
A couple held a small, self-funded second wedding that included traditional elements like paper invitations, catering, an open bar, and a white gown. The couple explicitly requested No gifts, provided nonprofit suggestions for donations, and planned donations in guests' honor instead of favors. Some guests gave gifts or donations and left cards, but a significant number of attendees left without gifts or messages, which puzzled and rankled the couple. The absence of cards largely reflects adherence to the stated no-gift preference. The most constructive response is to accept guests' compliance, thank contributors, and avoid probing or assigning insult.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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