"You're having the worst day of your life. Your car broke down, you just got devastating news, or maybe everything's falling apart at once. Who would you call? Who would actually drop what they're doing and show up for you? If you're struggling to think of even one name, you're not alone. I learned this the hard way when I lost my best friend from college to a slow drift that taught me friendships require maintenance, not just history."
"The one whose name on your phone makes you think, "What do they want now?" Here's the uncomfortable truth: You might be that person to someone else. Think about your last five texts or calls to friends. How many were checking in versus asking for something? If you're only showing up in people's lives when you need emotional support, professional advice, or help moving furniture, you're treating friendships like customer service hotlines."
Losing a close friend through a slow drift exposes how friendships require maintenance rather than relying on shared history. Nine unconscious behaviors can sabotage connections by pushing people away without evident character flaws. Examples include contacting friends only when needing favors, which treats relationships like customer service, and turning accomplishments into competitions that alienate others. Small, consistent gestures—random check-ins, sharing a meme, asking about someone's day without shifting focus—build trust and reciprocity. Rewiring habitual patterns toward more balanced, giving interactions increases the likelihood of deeper support when genuinely needed.
Read at Silicon Canals
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