I Was Able to Sniff Out My Husband's Affair ... Literally. Now a Key Aspect of Sex Has Been Ruined for Me.

A spouse’s affair can create lasting negative associations with specific sexual acts. Remaining in the relationship and being able to have other forms of sex does not require returning to the same activities that were tied to betrayal. Repair involves rebuilding trust, understanding what happened and why, and behaving differently in the future rather than restoring a romanticized past. If one partner is unhappy about a new boundary, that partner created the conditions for it and must live with the consequences. If oral sex is also missed and the boundary is meant to change, talking with a sex therapist may help address the association, though attempting to work through it could bring up difficult feelings.

"He had an affair, which is a deep betrayal, and that left you with negative associations with the act of oral sex. The two of you stayed together, and you're able to have other types of sex that you're describing as good. If your husband expects that contrition and repair mean that the relationship should (or even can) return to how it was before he broke his vows and commitments, he's mistaken."

"Repair does not mean a magical return to the romanticized memory of how things were. It means rebuilding trust, understanding what happened and why, and behaving differently in the future. If he's the only person who is displeased by the fact that oral is off the table, he created that situation and will have to live with the consequences."

"But if you're also missing oral (and only if you want to change this new status quo), it's absolutely worth talking to a sex therapist who might be able to help you find a way to move past that association. Without further understanding, I'm unable to say with any certainty, but I wouldn't be surprised if part of what's allowed you to continue in the relationship and have the sex that the two of you have is based on avoiding this direct reminder."

"So there's a chance that you'd be opening Pandora's box by attempting to work through this. If my assumption up top is c"

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