"Ever since I was a little girl, I remember that friendships were a priority for me; I would constantly ask my mom to let me have friends over for playdates and sleepovers. As a teenager, I had a Nokia brick phone and a driver's license, and I could always be found planning to see friends or inviting them over to mine. The craving for friendship has continued ever since, with my incessant desire for it fuelled by an innate need to feel accepted."
"As an adult, I moved from the US to Wales, and once again, had to find a way to fit in - through friendship. I invited myself to people's houses for coffee and asked them to go for walks with me. I texted and rang to check in on friends I had made through church, work, my kids' school, and my husband's previous social circles. These friends were incredibly important to me, and I had to hold on to them."
"In recent years, I found myself thinking: What would happen if I didn't text, call, or plan to meet up with friends? Would they get in touch with me? It's led to little monthlong experiments - going quiet to see who I'd hear from, if anyone. The results have been both disappointing and frustrating, yet reaffirming. There were some friends who didn't make any contact (and I felt rejected as a result), others who got in touch with me."
Friendships were a priority from early childhood, with frequent invitations, playdates, and social planning continuing through adolescence. Frequent moves created an outsider mentality that motivated relationship-building to belong. Moving from the US to Wales renewed active pursuit of connection through visits, walks, calls, and texts across church, work, school, and social circles. The person experimented with silence, pausing contact to test reciprocity and see who would reach out. Responses ranged from no contact, causing feelings of rejection, to proactive outreach. Those experiments reinforced loyalty as a guiding value and led to focusing on mutual, reciprocal friendships that brought greater contentment and reduced fear of rejection.
Read at Business Insider
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