"We just had a big wedding and our baby's first birthday celebration. It was great to do a big party with friends. I'm struggling, though, because I'm surprised at how little our guests gave, and I'm feeling guilty about that. Generally, I've always heard you give $100 to $125 per person, particularly if you're drinking and eating (we had an open bar)."
"However, many people we consider good friends gave ... much less. A few didn't give at all. Getting about $100 each would've covered the cost of each person at the wedding. Of course, if they didn't have the money, we'd understand, but many of them are very financially comfortable. I know it's in the past now. But how do I not let this frustration and sadness color my friendships with these people?"
"I am not a wedding planner, but this is the first I've heard of anyone being obligated to pay to attend a wedding, much less pay an amount that would be equivalent to a meal at a three-star Michelin restaurant. The point of a wedding is that your loved ones can celebrate with you, not that they can subsidize a very expensive party you want to throw for yourself and, in your own words, feel "appreciative" of it."
A couple hosted a large wedding and a first-birthday celebration and expected guests to give around $100–$125 per person. Many friends gave much less or nothing, leaving the host feeling surprised, frustrated, and underappreciated. The response emphasizes that guests are not obligated to pay to attend a wedding or to subsidize an expensive reception. Gift-giving is customary but not required, and a $300 per-couple expectation is unusually high. Weddings are described as opportunities for loved ones to celebrate together rather than transactions. Differences in gift amounts do not necessarily reflect appreciation or friendship.
Read at Slate Magazine
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