"If we want to understand how to fall in love, then we have to know what builds connection. We often think of love as primarily a feeling, rather than a skill that we can build. So when we look for advice for how to fall in love, we miss out on one of the primary pathways to an enduring happiness: facilitating a sense of connection."
"One of the most powerful (and challenging) practices to do is look into another person's eyes for a prolonged period of time. It immediately makes us feel vulnerable! It may not matter whether it's a stranger or someone you've been in a partnership with for over 50 years (sometimes this makes it more difficult). But when we do it, it's fascinating what arises."
"Try this out as an experiment for yourself: Today, look into the people's eyes that you meet and see the person behind the eyes. What happens when you bring the mindset that this person is " Just like me?" This mindset understands that underneath it all, this person wants the same things I do, to feel cared about, to feel understood, to feel accepted, a sense of belonging, and to be happy."
Falling in love depends on building connection as a skill rather than treating love only as a feeling. Connection produces balance, which often leads to happiness. Protective walls and learned shielding reduce vulnerability and impede connection. Prolonged eye contact fosters vulnerability and can reveal surprising emotional responses. Recognizing common humanity—shared needs for care, understanding, acceptance, and belonging—dissolves barriers and uncovers existing connection. Adopting the mindset that another person is "just like me" deepens compassion and supports lasting love. Simple experiments in seeing the person behind the eyes can increase empathy and closeness.
Read at Mindful
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