How to Avoid Divorce: A Hopeful, Realistic Guide for Couples

"No one enters marriage expecting it to fail. You enter with hope, commitment, and the faith that love will see you through the hard times. But when things fall apart, it's generally not because partners didn't care. Often it's because they felt disconnected, hurt, or unsure how to find their way back to each other. The good news is that decades of research show that many of the pathways to divorce are avoidable, and it's about repair."

"Marriages usually fall apart slowly, often beginning years before divorce is even considered. Emotional disengagement and avoidance of issues erode relationships more than the overt conflicts that may come later. From the start, bring up early, respectful conversations, naming concerns while they are still manageable. Speak from your personal experience, rather than criticism or blame. And let your partner know what matters emotionally. When you feel heard and understood, your relationship will be more stable, even if there are still disagreements."

"One of the strongest protections against divorce is emotional responsiveness. Turning toward each other's emotional "bids" for attention and connection are protective factors. In strong relationships, partners ask how their mate is really doing. They are consistently curious about knowing each other deeply. When you feel emotionally "known," you feel safe, and safety ensures the strength of your marriage. 3. Learn to Fight Right Arguments or conflicts don't cause divorce. What matters is how you argue."

Marriages often deteriorate gradually as emotional disengagement and avoidance allow distance to grow. Early, respectful conversations about concerns prevent problems from becoming unmanageable. Speaking from personal experience rather than blame and naming what matters emotionally helps partners feel heard. Emotional responsiveness, including turning toward each other's bids for attention and being curious about one another, creates safety and strengthens bonds. Conflicts alone do not cause divorce; the manner of arguing and the avoidance of contempt determine repairability. Partners can begin repair at any stage by reconnecting emotionally, addressing issues promptly, and practicing constructive conflict skills.

Read at Psychology Today