"I do think you should tell your son, mostly because of what we know about the availability of DNA tests and the way the results can turn families' worlds upside down. ( I hear from those families a lot.) Get ahead of it. Even though there's increasing skepticism about these products, there's still a decent chance that he will one day decide he wants to know where his ancestors came from, throw privacy concerns aside, and spit in a test tube."
"Yes, you're going to train for this. Obviously, some painful and unhealthy stuff (the cheating, and then the retaliatory cheating, and the secret-keeping) has already happened in your family. This is very likely going to be hard for your son to hear about. The revelation that his dad was not his biological father is going to be destabilizing for him."
Tell the son about his true paternity because consumer DNA tests can reveal unexpected ancestry and upend families. Wait about a year before disclosing the secret to allow time for preparation. Attend weekly therapy during that year to practice delivering the news and to process personal emotions. Anticipate that learning his father was not his biological parent will be destabilizing and painful for the son. Prepare for questions about locating the other man and for varied emotional reactions. Focus on delivering the information thoughtfully and on absorbing the son's response without collapsing emotionally. Gather supportive resources and coping tools beforehand.
Read at Slate Magazine
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