"I went to high school with someone who was a Korean adoptee. We were in the same close friend group, and we bonded over cooking. We lost touch after high school. Dear Was I a Terrible Friend, I recently started learning about the international adoption process and, though we have lost contact, I feel inclined to reach out. I think this is mostly for me. I regret my ignorance of her situation at the time, and I wonder if I made anything worse."
"My first thoughts when reading this letter were: What a thoughtful and kind person, and Oh no. I hope she doesn't unintentionally upset or annoy her high school friend, who could feel any number of ways about her adoption story and about talking about it. Since I couldn't get the friend's side of the story, I decided to reach out to someone with a bit more insight into adoption and the complex feelings that might surround it."
A former high school friend who was a Korean adoptee belonged to a close friend group and bonded over cooking, but contact ended after graduation. Years later, the writer began learning about international adoption, felt regret about past ignorance, and wondered whether earlier behavior might have caused harm. The writer contemplated reaching out with an empathetic message and asked for a script, though shame almost led to withdrawing the inquiry. There is concern that outreach could unintentionally upset the friend, who may have complex feelings about adoption and discussing it. An adoption expert with personal experience learning about birth parents and growing up in a predominantly white community was consulted for guidance.
Read at Slate Magazine
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