"I didn't tell my husband that I was leaving until I was fully moved out, for my own safety, so only my close friends and family (who were helping me) knew in advance. My husband and I had mutual friends whom I liked and enjoyed spending time with, but in the immediate aftermath, I was too overwhelmed by the situation to figure out how to talk to them."
"Don't do it. The chances that both members of this couple will A) believe what you tell them about your husband, B) take your side, C) protect your privacy and safety, and D) drop him as a friend (isn't that what you'd really need to have a meaningful relationship with them?) are slim to none. Reconnecting with them just seems like it could lead to a lot of pain."
A survivor left an abusive marriage secretly for safety and only close family knew in advance. She hid her location, communicated with her ex through legal counsel, and avoided putting mutual friends in the middle. The ex had a running narrative portraying her as cruel and abusive, and she assumed he likely shared that story with mutual friends. She misses those friendships but worries that reconnecting would risk privacy, safety, and emotional pain. Reaching out to friends who remained close to the ex is unlikely to yield support or protection and could do more harm than good.
Read at Slate Magazine
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