"Most of my other friends are not that reliable for all of the above, and are instead the kind of people you have a great conversation with over a coffee and a walk or a dinner party. They are lovely company, but they have their own lives, and it's harder to link up and commit to elaborate plans. This works just fine for me; some connections are about conversation, and others are about enjoying activities together."
"But Brian and Anna are starting to notice the intentional siloing. They know my other friends and always ask me to invite "Lila" or "Clarissa and Matt" to the weekend cabin or game night. Or they see on social media that I had dinner and didn't invite them. The truth is that Lila, Clarissa, and Matt, etc., can't stand Brian due to his contrarian and arrogant nature in group conversations."
A married person has been close friends with Brian and Anna for five to six years and prioritizes activity-oriented outings with them. The person keeps those friends separate from other, more conversational friends because the conversational friends are busy and less reliable for elaborate plans. Brian's contrarian, arrogant behavior alienates some conversational friends, while Anna's nervous over-talking hinders connection. Brian and Anna have begun to notice the intentional separation and ask to be included. The person values Brian and Anna and wonders how to address the issue gently, especially with Brian.
Read at Slate Magazine
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