A friend borrowed an expensive, rarely worn dress and returned it with obvious stains without apology or offer to pay for cleaning. The owner feels hurt by the lack of respect and is torn between confronting the friend and avoiding conflict. The recommended response is to speak up, express surprise and disappointment, arrange dry cleaning and inform the friend of the cost, and explain that careless treatment is why lending clothing is discouraged. A separate writer faces a request from an unemployed son to move in with his family and fears losing privacy, peace, and routines.
Speak up. Tell your friend you were surprised and disappointed that she returned your dress soiled without even mentioning the stains after she borrowed it. Don't fret about the tension; it's already there because you feel it, so you must address it. Tell her you will have it dry cleaned and let her know the cost. If she tries to shrug it off, you can say this is exactly why you don't like to lend your clothing.
A close friend of mine borrowed one of my favorite dresses to wear to a wedding a few weeks ago. It wasn't just any dress: It was expensive, it fits me perfectly and I've worn it only a handful of times. When she returned it, I noticed there were several stains on the fabric. She didn't mention them, apologize or offer to pay for cleaning.
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