Growing Up Parentified Can Affect Your Relationships

"Though sung in her typical tongue-in-cheek style, Sabrina Carpenter's new hit song 'Manchild' is revealing-and not in the way you might think. At one point, she insists that she isn't choosing these emotionally inept men-they choose her. While the song is funny and upbeat, there's something else there that's being articulated. The need for control, order, and a sense of helplessness when you find yourself with the same type of partner over and over again is something many of us can relate to."

"When you think back to your childhood, do you remember being told that you were 'mature for your age' or 'an old soul'? If so, you were likely doing some kind of emotional caretaking before a developmentally appropriate age. Now think about the present day. Are the partners you've been with people who tend to look towards you for guidance?"

"The way we grew up often has an influence on how we experience romantic relationships. For example, Tolmacz and colleagues (2023) found that women who grew up parentified report feeling less satisfied in their relationships with their partners, with their emotional needs not being met. Part of the reasoning for this relates to participants' struggles in these relationships, asking for what they need and communicating their feelings in general."

Childhood parentification shapes adult romantic behavior by teaching children to provide emotional caretaking and assume responsibility beyond their developmental stage. Those who were 'mature for their age' often become partners who organize, manage daily tasks, and provide guidance, sometimes out of obligation or fear no one else will act. Parentified adults commonly struggle to ask for their needs and to communicate feelings, leading to lower relationship satisfaction. Research by Tolmacz and colleagues (2023) found that women who grew up parentified report unmet emotional needs and less satisfaction. Maintaining awareness of relationship patterns enables gradual changes toward healthier dynamics.

Read at Psychology Today