"We waited until marriage to have sex. This was mostly for religious reasons (we're politically liberal evangelical Christians - we exist!), and because we both believed sex was special - so special it should be done and developed with a special person. At the beginning, it was thrilling - less because we were good at it (we definitely weren't) and more because we were having sex at all. Then, gradually, we got better."
"Over the last decade, something else shifted. My husband stopped watching porn. It was a personal choice, rooted in his desire to honor God by honoring our marriage. I didn't ask him to, but I noticed when he did, and it changed the texture of our intimacy. He saw me differently. I was the only source of any of that energy. He really looked when I changed clothes."
Two partners cultivated sexual intimacy deliberately over many years, choosing to wait until marriage for religious and relational reasons. Sexual life began awkward and thrilling, improved through practice, and was strained by parenthood. Consistent sexual contact signaled ongoing desire despite diminished creativity. A decade-long change occurred when the husband stopped consuming pornography to honor God and the marriage. The removal of external sexual attention redirected his focus toward his wife, making her the sole source of erotic energy and increasing the quality of mutual attention. She recognizes reciprocal distraction habits and frames renewed closeness through the lens of joint attention.
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