Dear Abby: If I give my child a French name, must I pronounce it that way?

"Is it OK to use the French spelling of a name and pronounce it in an Americanized way? PLANNING AHEAD IN SOUTH CAROLINA DEAR PLANNING: You are the parent, and you can call your son whatever you wish. Jacques will be his formal name if you choose to use it on his birth certificate, but he can use Jack if he wishes. When he starts school, don't forget to communicate to his teachers and the administrators how his name is pronounced."

"After his death, I discovered several secrets. He hadn't been honest about his medical condition, possibly out of shame or because he wanted to protect us from the seriousness. There were also secrets about his family he may have been ashamed about. He also changed his estate plan without telling me. These secrets and betrayals show he wasn't thinking about the impact of his death upon me, and they have made me question my beliefs about our marriage."

One writer considers using the French spelling Jacques to honor a great-grandfather while pronouncing it as the American nickname Jack. The parent may register the formal spelling and allow the child to use Jack, and should inform teachers and administrators of the preferred pronunciation. Another writer recounts caring for a husband with dementia who later took his own life and left undisclosed medical, family, and estate-plan secrets. The widow attributes these actions to his fear, shame, illness, and other family issues, and refrains from sharing the revelations to preserve adult children's love and respect for their father.

Read at www.mercurynews.com