"My husband and I have been married for 40 years and share the same friendships joint, his and mine. We have camped, hosted parties and traveled with the same friends. My problem is my husband says I'm not allowed to speak privately with the males in our group unless I first confirm with him what I'm talking about. He also gives me the third degree about my visits with the wives, mainly to find out if their husbands were around."
"Why didn't you write to me about this 39 years ago? Your husband may be a man with honesty and integrity, but he is also someone with bottomless insecurities and an insatiable need to control you. I am surprised it has taken 40 years of this for you to finally say to yourself, Enough! I would recommend marriage counseling for the two of you, but I seriously question his ability to change. Counseling for you alone might give you the courage to draw the line."
A wife of 40 years reports that she and her husband share mutual friends, but the husband forbids private conversations with men and interrogates her about visits with other wives to determine whether their husbands were present. The wife insists she has never given cause for suspicion, holds her husband in high regard, and loves him wholeheartedly. The husband's conduct reflects deep insecurity and a controlling need; marriage counseling is recommended for both, while individual counseling may help the wife set boundaries. Separately, a woman who left an abusive marriage faces family disbelief that a woman could have abused a man and continues to be questioned about her honesty; she has a nine-year-old daughter from the marriage.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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