"Why doesn't she like him watching porn? She imagines he compares her to porn actresses, and she feels bad about herself. She compares herself to porn actresses, and feels bad about herself. This isn't about porn. If a woman compares herself to movie stars, or models, or college cheerleaders, or the attractive barista she sees every week, she'll feel bad about herself. So she shouldn't do that."
"We all have to learn not to do that. And not just around looks. We all need to not compare ourselves to other people regarding money, the prestige of our jobs, how smart our kids are, or the quality of our Christmas tree. And yes, capitalism continually pressures us to compare ourselves to others. Social media makes it worse, of course. And if your mother compared you (or still compares you) to your older brother, it's even harder."
Arguments about whether a partner can watch porn typically mask deeper relationship problems such as insecurity, comparison, intimacy deficits, or broken trust. Comparing oneself to porn performers, celebrities, attractive acquaintances, or idealized images from social media undermines self-esteem and cannot be resolved merely by eliminating porn. Adults must learn to stop habitual comparisons across looks, status, and possessions to attain contentment. Sexual problems like low arousal, lack of climax, or apparent disconnection can lead partners to blame porn, but the core issue may be lack of desire or attention. When a partner breaks a promise to stop, the central breach is the dishonesty, not the porn use itself.
Read at Psychology Today
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