"You're right telling the truth is the better option. But keep it focused on what's true about yourself: You're finding your capacity is changing; you love her and like spending time with her; and you need to take a year off this Christmas. Traditions sometimes pop up without our intentions. A pattern becomes something that we always do. It's all right to interrupt the pattern with a request, a need, or simply a break."
"My sister moved to the Midwest decades ago and came back to spend all of her holiday breaks with our parents and visit my brother and me. Our parents passed, and then my brother passed. My sister tries to stay close through frequent visits. The problem is that she assumes she has the same open invitation that she had with our parents. We are all weary of these visits."
"I recently set boundaries with a friend who would vent to me about another friend of theirs, with whom I'm only barely acquainted. I asked them to stop processing this other friendship of theirs with me; it felt toxic. I told them I felt sad to spend the little time we have together talking about someone, when we could be talking with and supporting each other."
A woman grew up close with two siblings and maintained contact after her sister moved to the Midwest. After both parents and a brother died, the sister continued making frequent visits and assumed the same open invitation. The hosts feel weary of extended holiday visits and prefer smaller doses of time together. They planned a fall visit and felt anxious when a Christmas visit was mentioned. The suggested approach is truthful, self-focused communication: state that capacity is changing, express love and appreciation, and request taking a year off to interrupt the habitual pattern.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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