"The last few years I've just started telling him and everyone around us that I don't like music and don't care for it in the background. I'm not embarrassed, it just hurts my ears, literally. I realize it brings him/them joy, but how much joy do I tolerate at my extreme discomfort? I actually used to really like, even love, some music, but now I completely hate it. Hating music is now part of my personality, which I never intended."
"It strikes me that you're working really hard to consider your husband's feelings here and, in turn, he's been dismissive of yours. That's not fair to you. He can't help the traditions and habits of the family in which he was raised, and neither can you help the way those habits are impacting you. Marriages, like any other relationship, are about communication and often compromise and I'm not seeing enough of either from him in this area."
A spouse experiences intense auditory distress from a partner who sings loudly in many settings, describing the sound as physically painful and overstimulating. Requests for moderation have produced offense, while family praise and similar behavior reinforce the habit. Repeated exposure has transformed prior enjoyment of music into active hatred and generated guilt about marital support and identity change. Leaving rooms is impractical as a long-term solution. The situation has become a source of marital discord. Recommended responses include direct communication, negotiated compromise, respect for boundaries, and consulting a doctor to evaluate possible physiological or psychological contributions to the reaction.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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