Are You Unrealistically Idolizing Others?

"It's important to have realistic expectations of others, rather than just seeing the best in them, as many loving, empathic people tend to do. Idealizing someone or ignoring their limitations is a setup for disappointment and makes you vulnerable to getting into unhealthy relationships. No one is better or less than you. When anyone tells you a fact about themselves, such as "I'm not the most giving person," you must believe them."

"He also told her (which she didn't believe) that he was extremely independent and wasn't looking for a committed relationship. This man never deviated from his clear message- but Jean didn't want to hear it. She thought, If I'm patient, our love will change his mind. Alas, it did not. Inevitably, Jean was painfully let down and felt bitter and resentful for a long time."

"Making someone into who you want them to be can lead to heartbreak. It's like going into a hardware store filled with shelves of cold functional equipment and expecting to get a delicious warm croissant and fresh coffee. It's not going to happen. Still, Jean was hurt and angry; she blamed him for her misery. Months passed before she was able to accept and even empathize with herself for misreading the situation. She admitted how honest he'd been."

Many loving, empathic people tend to see only the best in others and idealize them, leading to unrealistic expectations. Ignoring people's limitations or dismissing explicit statements about their intentions creates vulnerability to disappointment and unhealthy relationships. When someone states facts about themselves, such as "I'm not the most giving person" or "I'm not looking for a committed relationship," those statements should be believed. A woman who ignored a partner's clear declaration of independence experienced painful disappointment, blame, and long-lasting resentment. Accepting reality, practicing self-empathy, and adjusting expectations are necessary to avoid avoidable heartbreak.

Read at Psychology Today