Are You Too Controlling?

"Often the people who come to me with these issues are only acting in the way that was normal in the household in which they were raised. If this is your situation, It happened this way so often that you unconsciously internalized it as the right way to be. Unfortunately, the reality is you probably copied a poor model and one or both of your parents were more controlling than normal."

"You Are Perceived as Unpleasant and Difficult to Please Now, people who are not from your family, and are on the receiving end of your constant flow of criticism, advice, and demands, find being around you unpleasant. Your comments make many people uncomfortable. Until now, you have dismissed them as not understanding that you just value efficiency or getting things right and were offering useful information."

Controlling behavior commonly begins in childhood when individuals model parental approaches to handling people. Many people internalize controlling patterns unconsciously and may not recognize them as maladaptive. Such behavior often manifests as constant criticism, advice, and demands that make nonfamily members uncomfortable. Some people justify their actions as valuing efficiency or correctness. Awareness can be increased by a simple observational exercise: count daily instances of controlling words or actions over a day or week. With concerted effort people can learn less controlling ways to handle interpersonal issues. Professional therapy can help when change feels too difficult alone.

Read at Psychology Today