"Ever heard someone say "You always do this" in the middle of an argument? I have. Actually, I've said it myself more times than I care to admit. A few years back, during a particularly heated discussion with my then-partner, I found myself throwing out every accusatory phrase in the book. "You never listen." "That's not what I meant, and you know it." "Whatever, I'm done talking about this." Looking back, it was like watching a masterclass in how not to handle conflict."
"That relationship taught me something crucial: the way we argue reveals more about our emotional intelligence than almost anything else. And here's the uncomfortable truth-most of us are failing the test. After spending way too much time analyzing my own communication failures (yes, my tendency to overanalyze everything strikes again), I've identified eight phrases that emotionally intelligent people simply don't use during arguments. The kicker? Most people, including past-me, use all of them regularly."
"These absolute statements are argument poison. Think about it-when was the last time someone truly always or never did something? When we use these phrases, we're not actually trying to solve a problem. We're trying to win by painting the other person as fundamentally flawed. "You always forget to call when you're running late." "You never take my feelings seriously.""
Arguments reveal emotional intelligence; many common phrases undermine resolution. Absolute statements like "you always" or "you never" generalize and provoke defensiveness; they attack character rather than addressing incidents. Dismissive responses such as "whatever" shut down conversation and avoid accountability. Emotionally intelligent responses name specific behaviors and describe feelings ("When you didn't call yesterday, I felt anxious"), facilitating problem-solving. Awareness and deliberate language choices reduce escalation and promote understanding. Identifying and replacing eight harmful phrases increases accountability, keeps focus on concrete events, and encourages productive dialogue that seeks to resolve the immediate issue rather than win the argument.
Read at Silicon Canals
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