"I heard from many people; most thanked me for my insights, and some chided me for suggesting that there are any alternatives to going no-contact with the so-called "toxic" people in their lives. At once, I began to feel an old familiar feeling that is prevalent in the world today: the either/or, polarized thinking that characterizes much political discourse. That black-and-white thinking has, in my opinion, been destructive, causing intolerance and even hatred."
"With regard to the topic of ending important relationships, a similar dichotomy has emerged: Either you save your soul (and even your life) by saying goodbye to toxic people, or you focus on what's good in people and learn ways to handle challenging aspects of their personalities without having to cut them out of your life. It would be great if choices in life were so clear cut. They're not. I also realized that I was part of the problem."
"So, I want to set the record straight: Although I am a diehard relationship restorer, there truly are some relationships that have to end. Over the years, I have worked with people whose painful childhood stories would make anyone cry, because there are abusive people in the world. There are toxic relationships. There are times when ending a relationship IS life-saving."
Most relationship breakups are unnecessary, yet some relationships are genuinely toxic and require ending. Polarized, either/or thinking frames relationship choices as saving oneself by going no-contact or salvaging relationships by addressing problems. Black-and-white thinking leads to intolerance and overlooks nuance. Decisions to go no-contact are often painful and made after careful consideration. Restoring love is possible in many cases, but abusive situations can make separation life-saving. People should evaluate each relationship individually, avoid judgment, and use thoughtful criteria to decide whether to end or mend a relationship.
Read at Psychology Today
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