"Emotional maturity is often seen as the gold standard of psychological health. If an individual understands their feelings, if they can name them upon reflection and regulate them at will, and communicate calmly with composure, they're often labelled as the ideal partner. Yet, for many people, emotional maturity does not automatically translate into emotional intimacy. In fact, some people develop impressive emotional skills precisely as a way to avoid the vulnerability that intimacy requires."
"In other words, self-disclosure predicts intimacy only when it includes personal risk and emotional openness. Simply talking about feelings is not enough if the disclosure is carefully managed or emotionally contained. People who avoid intimacy often share selectively. They talk about emotions they have already processed, but avoid sharing feelings that are unresolved, messy, or tied to fear of rejection. Psychologically, this creates the illusion of openness while maintaining emotional control."
Emotional maturity often involves naming, reflecting on, and regulating feelings, and is widely valued in relationships. Accurate emotional vocabulary and calm communication do not guarantee closeness because intimacy requires risk and exposure beyond mere description. People sometimes use polished emotional skills to avoid vulnerability, sharing only processed or safe feelings while withholding messy or unresolved emotions tied to fear of rejection. Experimental evidence shows that disclosures that include emotional risk produce greater interpersonal closeness than factual self-disclosure alone. Disengagement from emotional experience and selective sharing impede true interdependence and the development of high-quality relationships.
Read at Psychology Today
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