3 Reasons You Keep Repeating the Same Relationship Patterns

"After a certain point, it gets hard not to internalize this repetition as a personal flaw. We ask ourselves, "Why do I keep ending up here?" or, "Why does this keep happening to me?" And, often, we reach for moral answers about our poor judgment, low self-worth or invisible baggage. In fairness, those explanations do occasionally contain a kernel or two of truth. But, for a vast majority of people, the primary driver of these repeated patterns isn't that we lack self-respect or intelligence."

"1. Familiar Pain Vs. Unfamiliar Safety One of the strangest yet most enduring truths in psychology is that familiarity can feel safer than happiness. In this sense, when a relationship dynamic resembles something we're already acquainted with, it registers as known territory first, and as something unpleasant second. As counterintuitive as this sounds, research on trauma bonding helps to explain why this happens."

Many people who repeatedly choose emotionally unavailable partners do not prefer neglect or seek chaos; repetition often feels like déjà vu. Individuals internalize repeated relational patterns as personal flaws and search for moral explanations such as poor judgment, low self-worth or baggage. Psychological research indicates these recurring patterns are driven by the nervous system's preference for familiar experiences. Familiar relational dynamics can feel safer than happiness, and trauma bonding explains why victims may feel attached to those who hurt them. Bonds form when distress and relief originate from the same source, teaching the nervous system to equate closeness with familiar pain.

Read at Psychology Today