"Many people might wonder, What's the big deal about saying "I love you"? But for some, uttering these three little words can stir deep vulnerability and even excruciating emotions. When feelings are too intense or poorly understood, the mind naturally protects us with defenses like avoidance or withdrawal. In the moment, that defense can feel like a relief-it solves the "problem" of overwhelming feelings by keeping them at bay."
"Saying I love you can evoke anxiety. What if it's not returned? What if I'm met with indifference or, worse, humiliation? For many of us, these fears are rooted in early experiences. Perhaps as children we expressed love to a parent who didn't respond the way we needed, leaving us hurt or ashamed. Or maybe we were taught it was weak to admit love. Or maybe we just never heard anyone in our family say I love you so it feels too foreign and unfamiliar."
Saying "I love you" can provoke intense vulnerability, joy, gratitude, fear, and shame. Overwhelming or poorly understood feelings prompt protective defenses such as avoidance or withdrawal that feel relieving in the moment. Anxiety about reciprocity, indifference, or humiliation commonly underlies hesitation to speak those words. Early relational experiences—unresponsive parents, messages that love is weakness, or absence of such expressions in a family—can condition the nervous system to treat saying "I love you" as risky. Partners may need verbal reassurance, yet individual nervous systems can resist, creating conflict between longing for connection and self-protective impulses.
Read at Psychology Today
Unable to calculate read time
Collection
[
|
...
]