"You are constantly getting feedback from others about your performance at work. In the best of worlds, the feedback you get is clear and easy to understand. Good feedback has three characteristics. It specifies the behavior you engaged in. It provides a clear and accurate assessment of the consequences of that behavior. It suggests actions you may take in the future that would be better suited to the occasion."
"It is important to start any questions by pointing out that you are asking for clarification. Do not argue that the feedback wasn't warranted. There is no easier way to ensure you never get feedback again than spending your time trying to convince someone that you did nothing wrong in the first place. Sometimes the feedback you get is difficult to process because it is not clear about what you did wrong. That can happen because someone assumes you already know."
Feedback is most useful when it names the specific behavior, explains the consequences, and offers concrete suggestions for future action. When feedback is unclear, request clarification calmly and explicitly rather than defending motives. Avoid arguing that the feedback is unwarranted, because defending intent shuts down further input. Ask what specifically went wrong and request concrete examples of the observable behavior and its effects. Ask for recommended alternative actions that would better suit the situation. Behavior-focused, consequence-linked, and action-oriented clarification enables learning and targeted improvement at work.
Read at Fast Company
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