Many couples drift apart as novelty fades, routines replace spontaneity, and children’s needs sidetrack the relationship, prompting questions about where the marriage went wrong. Higher intrinsic motivation—acting from personal interest and inner values—correlates with greater emotional closeness, perceived support, and marital satisfaction in long-term couples. Relationships endure when partners are self-motivated to invest, participate and develop rather than remaining out of duty. Renewing curiosity about a partner’s passions, dreams and the qualities that first sparked attraction helps counter mundanity and revitalizes emotional energy and mutual growth.
In a 2021 study published in Psychological Reports, researchers explored how intrinsic motivation, the internal drive to act based on interest, personal importance or inner values, affects satisfaction in long-term romantic relationships. Using a sample of 331 adults, including many who were married for over a decade, they found that higher levels of intrinsic motivation were significantly associated with greater emotional closeness, perceived relationship support and marital satisfaction.
So, when days start to feel mundane and routine takes over, it's easy to feel like you're just going through the motions of marriage. That's exactly when it's time to get curious again about your partner. Do you remember what first sparked your partner's passion? What dreams and interests lit up their eyes? Are those passions still alive? Do you recall falling in love with that spark - the way they talked about what mattered deeply to them, the difference they wanted to make in the world?
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