"Her message was not about the spreadsheet. It was about how she had dated a guy for a while and really felt-believed-she ought to marry him. He checked all her proverbial boxes. Something was missing though and, really anxious she was making a grave mistake, she followed her gut and broke it off. Within a short time (spoiler: here's the message), she recovered, met Mr. Right, fell madly in love, got married, and lived happier ever after."
"I've been married more than once and am in recovery from relationship "projects" in need of fixing. People who need emotional help are great for a therapist- in the office, but not outside it. If a first date tells me he is really attracted to people with drive and ambition because he "needs to get it together," my next step is to thank him for his honesty and move on."
"I've had scores of first dates in the last several years, and I still mess this up. Not so much in the going-for-men-who-are-projects department (thank goodness). But like the woman on the radio, I try to convince myself someone is a good or "good enough" match, when part of me knows they aren't. All those people I've dated are perfectly great and worthy of every happiness, just not with me."
A post-divorce dater recounts hearing about a partner who kept a spreadsheet of dates and learning that gut instincts matter more than checklists. A prospective partner who meets all stated criteria can still feel fundamentally wrong; following intuition led to ending a relationship and later finding a satisfying marriage. The narrator rejects dating people needing emotional repair outside therapy and thanks mismatched dates for their honesty before moving on. After many first dates, a simple three-question checklist was developed to surface true feelings quickly and prevent settling for "good enough."
Read at Psychology Today
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