"Yet, when marriages fail, partners are still inclined to cite "falling out of love" or "incompatibility" as reasons. But nine times out of 10, the problem can't necessarily be linked back to a single wrong choice, nor a single night where things all went wrong. Usually, partners don't enter their marriage knowing how to be married. That's why there are certain " marriage lessons " every couple has to learn before committing-think of them as foundational understandings."
"Most of us picture marriage with the same rose-tinted glasses: as two people, in love, doing life together. What we don't always include in this vision, however, is the conflict that's guaranteed to ensue at some point or another. John Gottman's research - included in Case Studies in Couples Therapy: Theory-Based Approaches - suggests that approximately 69 percent of couples' marital problems are "perpetual." A vast majority of them aren't "fixed" neatly or tidily; they have to be rehashed and remanaged, time and again."
Love alone does not reliably sustain a marriage; partners' skills, expectations, and behaviors shape long-term outcomes. Marital breakdowns are often attributed to "falling out of love" or "incompatibility", but most problems do not stem from a single event or choice. Many couples enter marriage without knowing how to be married, so they must learn foundational lessons. A large proportion of marital issues are perpetual rather than solvable once and for all, requiring repeated management. Differences in preferences, habits, and temperaments generate ongoing conflict, which is normal; successful couples learn to rehash and remanage persistent disagreements.
Read at Psychology Today
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