"Our most basic needs for physical and psychological survival are safety, love, and freedom. When these needs are not met, we enter a state of distress and develop survival mechanisms that preserve life energy and compensate for the deprivation we experience. A lack of love may lead to dependency and people-pleasing, or alternatively to emotional distancing (as if we do not need love at all)."
"This reactivity becomes wired into the nervous system and strengthened through repeated use, while alternative responses are neglected. It is important to remember that a pattern is a strategy developed for self-protection and need-fulfillment. To change a pattern, we need awareness, intentional movement toward healthier responses, replacement strategies, and the inner resources to sustain them. From birth, the child is entirely dependent on their environment to meet their essential physical and emotional needs:"
Safety, love, and freedom are core physical and psychological needs. When these needs are unmet, individuals enter distress and develop survival mechanisms to preserve life energy and offset deprivation. Common responses to lack of love include dependency, people-pleasing, or emotional distancing; lack of freedom can produce self-negation, appeasement, or rebellion. Repeated use of these strategies crystallizes into automatic patterns that feel like identity yet restrict awareness and choice. Changing patterns requires awareness, intentional practice of healthier responses, replacement strategies, and inner resources. From birth, dependence on caregivers for nourishment, holding, attunement, and presence shapes trust and safety.
Read at Psychology Today
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