""I can't keep doing this," Sarah told me in our first session. Successful professional, mother of two, by all external measures thriving. "I value my career. I worked hard to build it. But I also value being present for my kids. Every choice feels like betraying one or the other. I'm paralyzed." I see this pattern constantly: intelligent people torn apart not by confusion about their values but by clarity."
"Values are inherently subjective and legitimately plural. Different people hold different values without anyone being wrong. More importantly, the same person holds multiple values that sometimes pull in opposite directions: Security vs. Freedom, Career vs. Family, Honesty vs. Kindness, Achievement vs. Rest, Individual needs vs. Relationship harmony. This isn't a bug: It's a feature. Values emerge from different aspects of experience and respond to different genuine goods. You're not confused when they conflict. You're accurately recognizing that life presents real tensions."
A high-achieving parent describes paralysis from choosing between career and family, exemplifying how clear values can conflict. Values operate at an opinion level, formed by experience, upbringing, culture, and history, and are inherently subjective and plural. The same person can hold multiple legitimate values that pull in opposite directions, such as Security vs. Freedom or Achievement vs. Rest. These tensions reflect real goods rather than error. Suffering often stems from believing one must eliminate a value rather than finding ways to balance competing priorities. Values-clarification helps when clarity is absent but struggles when multiple values are already explicit.
Read at Psychology Today
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