"Now, in this final part (transformation), we follow Claire further: how her need for control - once an adaptive defence - turns into a closed system of fear, and how healing begins not by surrendering control, but by understanding what it has been protecting all along. Compensatory Narcissism and Mnemonic Anger Claire's discipline is often mistaken for pride, but it is, in fact, compensatory narcissism-not vanity, but a defence against humiliation, a defensive self-idealisation that repairs a wounded sense of worth."
"It's born in the gap between what a child needed and what the world provided. When she was small, Claire believed that if she could be good enough, the adults would become good too. When they didn't, she concluded the failure must be hers-as Fairbairn said, "It is better to be a sinner in a world ruled by God than to live in a world ruled by the Devil"."
Claire's need for control began as an adaptive defense against childhood neglect and emotional deprivation but calcified into a closed system of fear that perpetuates suffering. Her disciplined excellence functions as compensatory narcissism: defensive self-idealization that protects against humiliation and repairs a wounded sense of worth. Early beliefs that personal goodness would make adults reliable produced mnemonic anger: instantaneous irritation that reenacts past injustices when others display carelessness. Success serves as proof of existence while failure threatens re-exposure to abandonment. Healing requires understanding the protective purpose of control rather than simple surrender, allowing grief and vulnerability to be recognized.
Read at Psychology Today
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