"When my parents divorced when I was twelve, I thought I'd learned what not to look for in relationships. Turns out, I'd actually created a blueprint that I kept following without even realizing it. The emotional unavailability I swore I'd never tolerate? I was actively attracted to it, mistaking that familiar feeling of trying to win someone over for genuine chemistry."
"The emotional unavailability I swore I'd never tolerate? I was actively attracted to it, mistaking that familiar feeling of trying to win someone over for genuine chemistry. Dr. Harville Hendrix, who developed Imago Relationship Therapy, explains that we unconsciously seek partners who embody both the positive and negative traits of our primary caregivers. We're essentially trying to recreate our childhood environment to finally get it right this time. Except we rarely do, because we're working with the same broken tools."
Repetition compulsion leads people to unconsciously repeat relationship dynamics from childhood. The brain recognizes familiar patterns and can respond positively to painful dynamics. Parental separation or caregiver behaviors create blueprints that influence partner selection. Emotional unavailability can feel like chemistry because it mirrors early relational attempts to gain attention or approval. Imago Relationship Therapy frames partner choice as an attempt to recreate childhood environments and resolve unmet needs. Attempts to “get it right” often fail because the same internal patterns and coping tools repeat across relationships. Awareness of these patterns can reveal why choices feel familiar and automatic.
Read at Silicon Canals
Unable to calculate read time
Collection
[
|
...
]