"Apologies matter because they are potentially the bridge between hurt and healing. They acknowledge the humanity in the person we have wronged and the shared dignity that still connects us, even when trust has been broken. And yet, as anyone who has received a half-hearted "sorry if you were offended" knows, not all apologies are created equal. In 2016, Professor Roy Lewicki and colleagues published a study in Negotiation and Conflict Management Research examining what makes an apology effective."
"It turns out that the most powerful words in an apology are the simplest: "It was my fault. I made a mistake." Taking responsibility cuts through defensiveness and blame-shifting. It tells the other person that you see what happened clearly, without excuses, and that you are willing to own your part in it. But responsibility alone is not enough. As Professor Lewicki points out, talk is... just words. That's why the second most important part of an apology is the offer"
Apologies have declined as people become quick to take offense, slow to forgive, and resistant to admitting mistakes. Effective apologies acknowledge harm, affirm the other's dignity, and combine several components: regret, explanation, responsibility, repentance, offer of repair, and a request for forgiveness. The most impactful elements are taking responsibility and offering repair. Simple admissions such as 'It was my fault. I made a mistake.' cut through defensiveness and signal clear ownership. Words must be accompanied by reparative actions to rebuild trust. Genuine apologies reduce anger and loosen the hold of resentment, facilitating healing and restored relationships.
Read at Psychology Today
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