The 6 Most Common Things Oldest Siblings Bring Up In Therapy

"What's more, there are no other children around when the oldest child is born, which means their role models are adults, their caregivers, according to Aparna Sagaram, a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Space to Reflect in Philadelphia. Younger siblings, on the other hand, have their older siblings around and look at them as role models. "Generally, they say younger siblings are more relaxed and more carefree - it's interesting because their role models [are] actually a child," Sagaram said."

"With the oldest child, there is a lot of trial-and-error parenting - new parents are learning how to raise their firstborn and don't yet have the knowledge that they'll bring to raising their younger children, said Altheresa Clark, a licensed clinical social worker and the founder of Inspire4Purpose in Florida. This may mean oldest children have to deal with extreme parenting styles, like a strict upbringing with lots of rules and expectations. "So, how that translates to the oldest child, they now have to grow up and there are a lot of expectations. A lot of times [this creates a] Type A personality where they become perfectionists," Clark said."

Oldest children frequently serve as caretakers and adopt adult role models because no other children are present at their birth. Younger siblings model older children and often appear more relaxed and carefree. Trial-and-error parenting with firstborns can result in strict rules and high expectations, fostering perfectionism and Type A tendencies in oldest children. These dynamics create recurring themes in therapy, including pressures to meet standards, responsibility overload, and internalized belief systems about needing to perform. Therapeutic work often focuses on identifying, unpacking, and dismantling perfectionist beliefs and unrealistic self-expectations.

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