Surviving Childhood Abandonment by a Parent

"There are certain types of trauma that do not leave any marks on the outside. Yet, their impact is very much alive internally and shapes what you identify with as "love," how you see yourself, and even the type of partner you end up choosing in your adult life. Caregivers have one critical job: to support and protect their children."

"If you grew up with narcissistic caregivers who were shaming, physically abusive, hyper-critical, and emotionally neglectful or physically absent, you can wrongly learn that your worth is conditional based on your parents' moods, needs, approval, or presence. You grow up hyper-aware and constantly waiting for criticism, while living in fear of more inevitable abuse. You become a target for their rage, a scapegoat for their inability to accept their role in the family dysfunction, and the proverbial punching bag for their unresolved trauma. 2"

"When a primary caregiver abandons a child, the child often internalizes their leaving as something being "wrong" with them and that they are unworthy of love and protection. You may internalize a sense of being invisible or worthless, where you are wrongly conditioned to feel that your most basic needs for safety and belonging will never be met. Over time, abusive and negligent early environments can distort how you see yourself and what you feel you deserve."

Emotional neglect and physical abandonment in childhood produce invisible but lasting wounds that shape concepts of love, self-image, and partner choice. Caregivers' primary role is to support and protect; when caregivers harm or are absent, children learn to distrust protection and internalize feelings of unworthiness. Growing up with narcissistic, shaming, or abusive caregivers conditions children to believe their worth is conditional on approval, heightening vigilance for criticism and fear of abuse. Such early environments can lead to viewing oneself as invisible or undeserving, replaying abandonment dynamics in adult relationships and selecting partners who mirror early abuse or neglect patterns.

Read at Psychology Today