Starting a Family: If Not Now, Then When?

"Most of our lives, we live under the weight of an illusion that there is a correct way to sequence life. We are taught to optimize our lives, to live with maximum efficiency, and to delay major decisions until we feel ready, believing that this careful, measured way will reduce uncertainty."

"Delay often increases pressure, and is followed by a disproportionate level of self-blame when things do not go as planned. It is only when we fall out of sync with others that we begin to reexamine these preconceived ideas."

"Her decision to delay was deliberate and aligned with what she had been told would lead to responsible success. Only now, in the context of difficulty conceiving, does a competing narrative begin to take shape, one that suggests she may have waited too long."

Cultural messages impose a belief that there is a correct sequence for life events, particularly regarding parenthood. This belief pressures individuals to optimize their choices, often leading to self-blame when outcomes are unfavorable. Delaying parenthood is frequently a response to uncertainty rather than poor judgment. Individuals like Maya, who delay starting a family to achieve stability, may later feel disoriented and question their decisions when faced with challenges like infertility, highlighting the conflict between societal expectations and personal circumstances.

Read at Psychology Today