"If that sounds like overdoing it, when it comes to expressing regret, syllables matter. That was the conclusion of a study published this week into the perceived sincerity of apologies, which found that when faced with an expression of remorse, we find it more meaningful if the apologiser has used longer words. That is owing to the perceived extra effort the guilty party is putting in, concluded researchers"
"Fancy language or not, sorry remains the hardest word for a reason, says Dr Tara Quinn-Cirillo, a registered psychologist and associate fellow of the British Psychological Society. Even if we might understand that what we did or said wasn't OK, it's still very hard because it's admitting vulnerability and we're not good at being vulnerable. Historically that didn't keep us safe. So we have our guards up. So how to do it well?"
"When the actors Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis wrote letters to request a lighter sentence for their role model former co-star Danny Masterson, who had been convicted of rape, it was damaging enough. The carefully worded video apology that followed, alternating line by line between them, seemingly only made matters worse. We are aware of the pain that has been caused opened a staccato Kutcher. We support victims continued Kunis. Many observers concluded they perhaps weren't particularly sorry."
Longer, more elaborate words in apologies are perceived as more sincere because listeners infer that the apologiser is making extra effort. Admitting wrongdoing is difficult because it requires vulnerability, and people instinctively guard against vulnerability. Overly scripted or coordinated apologies can appear insincere and even exacerbate public backlash, as can excessively gushing contrition. Public examples show that alternating or carefully choreographed statements can undermine credibility. Effective apologies depend on conveying authentic remorse and appropriate effort without seeming performative. Word choice, perceived effort, and genuine vulnerability together shape how remorse is judged.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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