"Jealousy is one of the least discussed-and most misunderstood-effects of abandonment trauma Jealousy often emerges from things that seem small or even petty on the surface. For Paul, his jealousy was due to the fact that his friend's family came together to help him in a rough patch. Paul's wife had worried that Paul was being selfish or unreasonable, which led him down a path of guilt and self-blame that just ended up reinforcing his negative feelings."
"We had been talking about his friend's recent health issues-how an unexpected diagnosis had led to months of financial strain. And how, without hesitation, his friend's family had rallied around him. They bought him a car. Paid his bills. Things that a family should do (when able to of course) to make sure he didn't have to worry about survival while he focused on healing."
"For someone who was not neglected or abandoned by their caregivers, this act of help for a friend might just seem like an ordinary acts of support or generosity, so it makes sense that his wife did not understand. Yet for someone who grew up without consistent care, like Paul and others who experienced abandonment, those moments remind them of what they did not receive."
Jealousy can arise as a grief response when unmet attachment needs from abandonment trauma are triggered by others receiving care. Observing others receive support can reopen old wounds of not being chosen, protected, or prioritized. Those who did not receive consistent caregiving may interpret ordinary acts of help as reminders of past deprivation. Feelings of guilt and self-blame can follow, complicating emotional responses and relationships. Paying attention to the origin of jealousy and approaching it with self-compassion helps survivors acknowledge their unmet needs and begin to work through the grief underlying the emotion.
Read at Psychology Today
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