How to Fix Disappointment

"We may think that achieving the one-and-only thing is part and parcel of personal glory. But psychologist Tara Well, at Barnard College, notes that disappointment resides somewhere between expectations and reality. There are many ways we fall into the trap of feeling discontent; having very specific expectations sets us up for grave disappointment because it's hard for us to get everything we want and desire."

"We expect things, and we do not get them. Instead, life is often ambiguous, and this can throw us off. We want to be in control. It's easier when life is routine and predictable. We don't freak out when we are in our routine. When life is ambiguous, we may focus on the possible negative outcomes. Ambiguity adds a cognitive load; it is taxing on the brain, and it brings up the fear response. Oh no, I don't know what is happening."

Disappointment occurs when expectations exceed reality. Very specific or fixed expectations increase the likelihood of grave disappointment because acquiring everything desired is unlikely. Modern conveniences and social messages encourage entitlement and the belief that life must be exceptional, which amplifies discontent. Ambiguity in life creates cognitive load, taxing the brain and activating fear responses, because humans prefer routine and predictability. The brain has a negativity bias that prioritizes watching for danger, causing strong emotions to capture attention and trigger rumination. Overthinking can push the nervous system into overdrive, producing fight-or-flight reactions and perpetuating negative cycles.

Read at Psychology Today