How People Adapt to the Narcissists in Their Lives

"If you grew up or currently live with a narcissistic person, you know the terrain well: you walk on eggshells, constantly monitor their mood, and adjust your behavior to avoid conflict. Many dismiss this hyper-vigilance as simply being an anxious person. However, psychologist Alan Rappoport coined a term to describe how people adapt to narcissistic family members: "co-narcissism.""

"Narcissism is something rooted in extremely low self-esteem. Narcissistic people are terrified of being seen as inadequate, so to protect themselves, they try to control how others view them. They present themselves as rigid, easily offended, and self-absorbed. They don't care much about empathy for those surrounding them, and their world revolves around their own needs."

"They often see their children as extensions of themselves - being there to meet their emotional demands. Think of a parent who demands that the child become a lawyer because the parent was, or wanted to be, one. When the child chooses art instead, the parent rejects him. Thus, the child isn't seen as a separate person with their own dreams and aspirations, but as a mere character in the parent's story."

Narcissistic individuals exhibit grandiosity, lack empathy, and manipulate others, but those in their environment experience a different reality marked by constant vigilance and behavioral adjustment. Psychologist Alan Rappoport termed this adaptive response "co-narcissism," describing how family members become complementary to the narcissist's behavior. Narcissism stems from extremely low self-esteem; narcissistic people fear inadequacy and control how others perceive them. They view family members, particularly children, as extensions of themselves rather than separate individuals with independent aspirations. This dynamic creates situations where children's personal goals are rejected if they don't align with the narcissist's expectations or identity.

Read at Psychology Today