The people who became adults without ever learning how to ask for help didn't develop independence. They developed a system where every need gets reclassified as a project they can handle alone, and the reclassification happens so fast now that they genuinely believe they never needed anything in the first place. - Silicon Canals

"Most people would call that resourcefulness. The conventional wisdom celebrates this kind of self-sufficiency. We're told that people who figure things out on their own are strong, capable, admirable."

"The need vanishes before it can be felt. And the person genuinely believes they didn't need anything."

"Children who grow up with caregivers who are consistently unavailable or dismissive of emotional needs develop what researchers call dismissive avoidant attachment."

"A child in that environment learns a specific set of skills: self-soothing, problem-solving, emotional compression. These are real skills. They work. The child survives."

Resourcefulness is often celebrated, but it can also indicate a deeper issue where individuals automatically reclassify needs into projects. This behavior stems from early attachment experiences, particularly in children with dismissive avoidant attachment. These children learn to self-soothe and problem-solve due to unresponsive caregivers, leading to a belief that reaching out for help is futile. As a result, they develop skills that allow them to handle problems independently, but this comes at the cost of recognizing their emotional needs.

Read at Silicon Canals