"One persistent and damaging myth about narcissistic relationships is the idea that only the naïve, dependent, or psychologically injured get pulled into them. This belief not only misrepresents reality, but it also actively strengthens survivors' shame and self-blame. In truth, strategies like gaslighting don't work despite strength. Gaslighting works because of the strengths in the victim. Empathy, self-reflection, openness, and relational responsibility are all core traits essential for developing intimacy and a meaningful, purpose-driven life. And these traits are precisely what narcissistic dynamics exploit."
"Many survivors of narcissistic relationships are perceptive, capable, psychologically literate people who are used to examining themselves reflectively and honestly. They appreciate that people are imperfect and operate on the premise that intimacy takes time to grow and is a mutual goal. However, these very healthy and normal traits become the very lever used to eventually try to diminish and erase them."
Healing begins by reclaiming reality: accept that narcissists will not change and release self-blame. Gaslighting exploits strengths such as empathy, self-reflection, openness, and relational responsibility rather than preying on weakness. Many survivors are perceptive, capable, and psychologically literate people who value honest self-examination and assume intimacy grows mutually over time. Those adaptive traits become levers that narcissistic dynamics use to diminish and erase survivors. Narcissists target strong, empathic people—the 'lions'—creating a dangerous mismatch between a survivor's strengths and the abuser's manipulative frame. Gaslighting produces epistemic destabilization by systematically eroding trust in perception, memory, and emotional reality.
Read at Psychology Today
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